


milles éclairs

by thanks_tacos



Series: don't care where you've been [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Dean Winchester, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Caring Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Omega Dean, Past Abuse, RoadTrip!, Scared Dean Winchester, yeah there's kisses :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29962365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanks_tacos/pseuds/thanks_tacos
Summary: Cas ispissed, he's pissed at Dean, and it's all Dean's fault.This is the first time he made Casthismad, and the first time he can't sense any guilt or remorse in the alpha's scent. He's just angry, angry at him, and he doesn't try to hold it back.They're in the middle of Yellowstone National Park, surrounded by trees taller than mountains. There's no service, no way to contact anyone, and Dean can't walk. And it's all his fault.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: don't care where you've been [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551229
Comments: 90
Kudos: 278
Collections: Destiel ✦ The Road To Freedom





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> milles éclairs means thousands of lightnings in french and its from a song i really like. you might notice a... uh... theme.
> 
> thanks to [fledhyris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fledhyris) for betaing this work and putting up with all my fights about every single mistake. the mistakes that are left are all on me and are most likely deliberate lmao. hope you enjoy!!!!! :)

Dean trips.

He falls down the rocky decline. His breath gets caught in his throat, and for a moment, he feels overwhelming panic. The knee, the knee, he has to watch out for the knee. Cas  _ can't  _ know.

But when he lands, of course he lands  _ right  _ on the knee. The scream that rips from his throat is loud and inhuman. It just hurts hurts hurts hurts he can't feel anything but the pain, he can't think-

Cas is there, calling his name. Cas is there, cradling his head, running a hand through his hair, saying something. Then, he's peeling off the fabric of his jeans where they ripped, and he sees-

He sees what Dean's been hiding for days, and all hell breaks loose.

Cas is pissed, he's pissed at  _ Dean _ , and it's all Dean's fault.

This is the first time he made Cas  _ this  _ mad, and the first time he can't sense any guilt or remorse in the alpha's scent. He's just angry, angry at him, and he doesn't try to hold it back.

They're in the middle of Yellowstone National Park, surrounded by trees taller than mountains. There's no service, no way to contact anyone, and Dean can't walk. And it's all his fault.

He's watching alpha from his place on the ground, watching him pace and curse and dial someone's number again and again.

'Fuck!' Cas swears, and, as if to accentuate his words, lightning crashes, blinding them momentarily. And damn, Dean never even noticed when the sky turned so dark. Looks like Cas's millionth attempt to reach someone has been unsuccessful.

Alpha's hand flexes around the phone, and even from his position on the ground, Dean can see how his muscles bulge. That's cause Cas is wearing a T-shirt. That's cause Dean told him he looks hot in this one cause it matches his eyes, when they were laughing in the motel room, just this morning. Looking forward to a day of hiking.

And back then, Dean was already a dirty liar.

Cas marches back to him. There's purpose in his steps, but Dean doesn't think he was able to come up with anything new. He looks so furious, still, so Dean hunches his shoulders.

'I'm sorry,' he mumbles, but he doesn't think Cas can hear; it's so quiet.

His jeans are torn where he fell. Stained with blood. His leg is stretched out in front of him, stiff and burning with pain. His knee is a mangled mess of - something. Swollen, hot, the skin pulled taut and shiny, the cut below it already looking nasty.

Cas looks at him for a while. Dean doesn't dare look up, clenching his fists. He realizes he's holding onto grass of all things.

There's a pause when Cas kneels down to take something out of his backpack. It's a - it's a-

It's a knife.

Dean makes a wounded sound that surprises him, but before he can process it, he's crawling through the underbrush, away away  _ away- _

'Dean!' a hand grabs him by the scruff of his neck, and he flinches and covers his head. 'Stop!'

'Don't,' he pleads, shaking. 'Please don't-'

'Turn  _ around _ ,' Castiel orders in the alpha voice, and Dean does, he does. His leg hurts. His leg hurts  _ a lot _ . 'I'm not gonna hurt you.'

Cas is handing him the knife. Dean blinks at it, and then at his alpha. The blue eyes, furious but not - not bad. Not like - not like Alastair's.

'The jean leg, cut it off,' alpha says, staring at his knee. 'The fabric is restricting the blood flow. The swelling will get worse.'

'Oh,' Dean replies, and then swallows, mouth dry. He takes the knife. It's the one they bought together, the all-purpose tourist knife they were gonna get just in case they needed it. Except they've been thinking of opening cans, not - not this. But knowing that it's their knife, the one with the soft handle that Cas let Dean pick, because he knows knives better - that snaps him out of his panic. Alastair's knives were foreign and all steel and he didn't even use them that often, so why is Dean freaking out now? It's not like he has a breakdown every time he needs to butter some bread.

_ you know why,  _ something inside tells him. Yeah, he knows. It's all cause of his goddamn knee.

He cuts off the jean leg. The fabric doesn't give easily, but Cas helps him tear it off, and supervises closely. Dean thinks it's cause he doesn't trust him with a knife. Dean's already such a fuckup, Cas  _ shouldn't  _ trust him. He broke the cardinal rule, and he  _ knew  _ how stupid it was.

_ tell me when you're hurt. _

But he was so scared. Because this - it's happened before. And-

'I'll clean it, now,' Castiel says, unaware of Dean's thoughts. But hell, he can definitely smell how guilty Dean feels, the scent is heavy and it's everywhere. They should charge tourists less, from now on - no more clean air. Welcome to Yellowstone, the land of Dean Winchester's guilt.

_ Novak's,  _ he reminds himself. Dean Novak's.

Cas uncaps his bottle and pours water over the knee. Dean can't contain his flinch. It hurts like a bitch, but now the tiny pieces of rock and ground and dust are gone, it's looking better.

'It's important that the wound doesn't get infected,' Cas says, seriously. 'No more crawling, Dean.'

'Got it,' Dean replies, sounding meek, deferential. 'Cas, I-'

'We need to get to the nearest visitor center, or a main road. Or anywhere I can catch a signal. But we can't climb with you in this state,' Cas interrupts him matter-of-factly, and there's a pang of hurt in Dean's heart. He wanted to finish his apology, but clearly alpha is having none of it. 'It shouldn't be that far. We are, after all, still on one of the main hiking routes. Perhaps we'll meet someone along the way.'

Saying it, Cas keeps digging around in his backpack, until he finds a first aid kit. Because of course he carries one. Dean remembers their conversation about a week ago, after Cas had avidly read the Yellowstone website and all safety tips he could find. He packed everything the website suggested taking, including a freaking raincoat, as if it was gonna rain in the middle of this stifling July.

Looking up at the storm clouds, Dean concludes it was just one more thing he was wrong about.

'Why is the seal broken, Dean?' Cas's voice is like steel, and Dean flinches again. Fuck. Better get it over with.

'I-I took,' Dean stutters. 'The - the painkillers, yesterday.'

Without alpha's consent. In the bathroom, when Cas was out getting them food, Dean hid and rolled up his jeans and stared at his knee, looking worse by the second. He carefully cracked open the seal of the brand new first aid kit, and took the two painkillers, chasing them down with water from the tap. By the time Cas came back with a brilliant smile and a mouthwateringly smelling fried chicken, the pain had dulled to nothing and Dean convinced himself everything would be alright.

And it's not. As expected, after the confession Cas's face tightens even more, jaw set, eyes dark. He doesn't say anything, which is somehow worse than yelling.

He drips hydrogen peroxide over Dean's cut, holding his leg in place with a firm grip. Normally, Dean'd be comforted by it, but the comfort... isn't here. Cas still cares about him, but only because he's such a good person, Dean knows it. He doesn't deserve any gentleness, not after what he's done.

After Cas slaps a bandaid on the still-bleeding cut, he takes out the raincoat from the backpack.

'Put it on,' he says.

'But it's yours,' Dean protests weakly. He didn't take one for himself because it was supposed to be warm and sunny, and he told Cas he didn't wanna look stupid. To which Cas laughed, but that was yesterday. 'And it's not raining yet-'

'Will you. For  _ once, _ ' Cas grits out, and Dean doesn't like how his face twists. 'Just do as you're  _ fucking told _ ?!'

It has Dean scrambling back on instinct, until he hits a tree trunk. Cas is so  _ furious _ , he seems to shake in place, fists clenched, lips set in a hard line.

'I will,' Dean promises, grabbing the coat and tugging it on quickly. It's yellow and the fabric is strange, waxy, so that the rain will slide down its surface. There's a pocket in the front, detachedly reminding Dean of kangaroos. 'I'm sorry, alpha, sir, I swear. I promise.'

He still watches out for his knee, because he feels like even the slightest mistake would send Cas into another fit at this point.

Alpha waits until he's covered by the coat, and then steps closer. Dean  _ knows  _ he won't hurt him, but he doesn't wanna be touched. So when Cas leans down to grab him, he jerks away and immediately freezes.

'Sorry,' he mumbles. 'What-'

'I'll carry you,' alpha replies tersely. 'Just hold on.'

He grabs Dean under his arms and picks him up, and Dean can't help but stay tense. He wants to be on the ground, and away from Cas, who smells so angry and dangerous.

Plus, being carried makes him feel so embarrassed. He started - the last couple of months, he started being a person again. He was more sarcastic and open with Cas and Cas seemed to like it. He even asked for a few things and he got them, like the trip to the Grand Canyon, or watching boxing matches on TV, in the evening. So being carried like a little kid, even though he's so old he can feel it in his bones - it makes him feel stupid.

And his leg hurts, so bad. And Cas smells so sad, too, and Dean never meant to make him sad, even though he should've known it'd end up this way. This trip - Cas was looking forward to it so much, he's been preparing for so long. Knowing their luck, he'll step off the trail, on one of the thinner patches of ground and they'll both plunge into the boiling water, or whatever it is that's inside those geysers they never even reached.

Dean knows he has to be heavy, and he notices the way Cas holds him under his fucked up knee, keeping the leg elevated and as straight as possible. It's an awkward position. Dean still has his backpack on, both straps because Cas insisted on not having it thrown over one arm, even though that looks cool. At least they have water and some snacks, and a blanket. Dean prays they won't have to spend the night here. They shouldn't, but-

Another lightning flash blinds them, and Dean flinches. Cas doesn't shush him, but his hands tighten on Dean's body. It's  _ almost  _ like a hug. Then, there's the thunder.

'Still a few kilometers away,' alpha announces. 'We have to hide when the storm gets here. Any of those trees could be hit by lightning and topple over.'

Dean nods, knowing that alpha will feel it.

'We passed a ridge on the way,' Cas says. 'It seemed big enough to hide both of us. And it's under solid rock, so we should be safe there.'

'Okay,' Dean mumbles, and then moves his nose just a bit to the right, where Cas's sleeve rides up. His skin still smells like the Cas he loves, without the angry, disappointed scent. Dean can cowardly pretend nothing happened and they're just hugging under one of the trees, like at the beginning of the trip, in the morning. Cas worked out a little before they started, his long limbs stretched in the sun when he raised his hands in the air or bent down to touch his toes. Dean admired him, eating the first of their provisions, both of them getting their strength for the upcoming hike.

Cas manages to walk longer than Dean expected, though his gait slows and he starts to stumble about thirty minutes in. Dean feels like such a burden, especially when it starts raining and Cas gets visibly tired, water trickling down his hair and face. Dean's covered by the raincoat, his own hair dry, and wishes he could offer to swap it with Cas, but he knows it would only rile him up more. He's determined to be on his best behavior from now on. He realizes, with a swoop in his stomach, that their Great Escape is probably over. No way Cas is gonna want to keep traveling after Dean lied to him like this.

His eyes sting, tearing up. He never wanted to tell Cas this story. He's just so scared. Cause even after they go back home, Cas will probably want to take him to a doctor. Scratch that, not probably; Cas  _ will  _ take him to a doctor. And no matter how many things have changed, Dean's totally terrified of a... blast from the past.

Alpha stops. At first Dean worries that he sensed Dean was gonna cry, but it seems that he's just too tired. He's breathing laboriously and only now Dean notices that his muscles are shaking from the strain.

He thought it was him who was shaking.

'I have to let you down for a moment,' alpha says, voice tight, and Dean's slowly lowered to the ground. He holds onto Cas because his leg won't let him stand, but...

'Alpha,' he says, trying to convince himself that he's not nervous. 'I can try and walk on my own.' Cas's head snaps up and he glares, no doubt ready to put him in his place again, but Dean holds his hand up in a placating manner. 'Before you get pissed-' he adds hastily. 'I - this - it's happened before. And if I can get a - a stick or a - a b-branch to lean on, I think I can walk.'

Cas examines him for a moment, waiting to catch his breath. He's soaked, and the trail has turned to a muddy mess from all the rain. Dean can't stand alpha's gaze. He looks at the ground, wrapping his hands in the sleeves of the yellow coat. His knee hurts, a lot. He wishes he’d left the painkillers for today. He wishes he were better.

'When you say before,' alpha says, finally, rubbing his arms. His light blue shirt has turned dark blue, clinging to his body. He must be cold, Dean thinks, guilt eating away at him. 'Do you mean while you were with me?'

Dean shakes his head, immediately.

'No, uh,' he hesitates. 'Years. Years ago.'

'Oh,' Cas says, and something changes in his eyes, just a little. 'You've had this knee injured in the exact same way?'

Dean shakes his head, again. He remembers Alastair's fist, he remembers his rough hands, grabbing him and throwing him to the ground. Remembers the stench of his drunken breath, remembers the brutal glint in his eyes, glazed over from the alcohol. Remembers the violence that never never never seemed to end. Remembers the familiar, but rare fear that coursed through him whenever an injury seemed to be a little _ too much _ , a little too dangerous. Like something inside him broke too far and wouldn't be fixed.

_ I don't need a cripple,  _ Alastair had said.

'I really  _ can  _ walk,' Dean assures Cas, instead of replying to his question. 'I know how to do it so my knee won't get any more fucked up. But I -' he feels like shit asking for another thing from this man, who has so much love and patience for him, even when he's doing unforgivable things. 'I need something to lean on.'

Cas just nods, and looks around. There's lots of sticks lying around, but nothing long enough for Dean to use as a crutch. Cas doesn't give up, though; he wanders off the main path, causing anxiety to rise in Dean, what if he steps on one of those hidden lava things?

'Cas?' he calls out after a minute, because he can't take it. Cas returns quickly, empty handed. There's a scrape on his bare arm that Dean notices right away, cause it's fresh.

'I can't go look further, the ground isn't safe,' Cas explains, and Dean's hit with a wave of relief, knowing that Cas cares about himself and remembers about the dangers of Yellowstone. It calms Dean down immensely to know that Cas doesn't forget to watch out for himself. Then, after that relief comes more guilt. Probably why it sucks for Cas so much, to see him like this, not caring about his health at all, even though he promised.

'I'll just lean on you, then,' Dean ventures, and voices it like a question.

'Yes,' Cas nods, and circles an arm around Dean's shoulders. 'If it hurts too much, tell me.'

It already does, but the wind picks up, and Dean's sure that very soon, they'll be in the eye of the storm. The hike took them roughly three hours - on the way to the biggest geyser - before Dean fell down those stupid rocks and couldn't pretend he was fine, so the road back should take... Well, longer, with him in this state.

Great.

'How far to that ridge?' Dean asks, his voice barely audible over the rain. It’s gone from something that could still be considered a summer drizzle to a full-blown  _ assault _ .

'Still some way to go,' Cas replies, sounding properly worried. Dean thinks it's about time he should be worried too, and not just about Cas, his health and his anger; he should worry about them getting actually damaged in this goddamn forest. Dean hates that something that's visited by tons of tourists every day isn't more... filled with nice, familiar cement and benches and food stands. Sure, gotta think of the nature, but still... this feels like the freaking wilderness, which is probably the point, but that's why they invented 5D cinemas, right? They could just leave the animals and plants alone and lead the tourists to a Yellowstone simulation or something. This isn't very responsible of the people who sold them the tickets and said 'Enjoy the beauty of our national park!', Dean thinks, surly.

'Maybe there's some other place to hide,' he offers, quietly. 'Cause that storm is-'

'I  _ know _ , Dean,' alpha snaps, which proves to Dean that despite the firm, gentle grip on him, Cas is still fucking furious. Okay. He shuts up.

They only manage about a hundred steps; Dean knows, he's been counting them to focus on literally anything else than the worry choking him. There's a giant rumble, and they can feel the earth shake beneath their feet. Dean clings to Cas on instinct, and he can tell Cas does the same, moving so that he covers Dean. God, even in moments like these, his first reaction is to protect him.

A second later, they're bathed in light as another bolt of lightning hits very close to them, way too close for comfort.

'Come on,' Cas is tugging him before Dean blinks the white away, and they're rushing through the underbrush towards the rocks. Dean prays there's no boiling water hidden underneath their feet, but it's unlikely, cause they're still pretty much on the trail.

They're lucky. Just a few meters away, there's a nook under the rock. There's bushes, but Cas just throws his backpack on them and makes sure Dean sits down on it. For a moment, Dean's terrified the lightning is somehow gonna hit Cas before he makes it under the rock, and he can't contain his panic, so he pulls him close.

'Sorry,' he whispers into Cas's hair, holding onto him. There's more than enough space for the two of them, but the rock is right above their heads when they sit. Cas lets Dean embrace him.

'We should be safe here,' he says, pulling out his phone and checking the signal. There's none.

For a while, they just sit cuddled together, Cas resting, Dean trying not to think about the hot white pain in his leg. It's still better than the first time around, though.

The storm grows more vicious, steadily.

'Alpha?' Dean starts sheepishly. 'Maybe you could, uh, cover yourself with the blanket?'

Cas has gotta be cold the way he's trembling, and he looks exhausted. Dean would be too, carrying his own fat ass across the Yellowstone hiking trail, but he hates seeing alpha freeze, and this at least could helpbe helped.

But alpha just sighs.

'No, it'll get wet. We might need it later, we're not out of the woods yet,' he cuts his eyes at Dean. 'So to speak.'

It's almost a joke, but Dean can sense Cas is still way too angry with him, so he just nods in reply. Alpha's the boss and Dean is dead set on showing that he knows it.

'How bad is it?' Castiel asks, gesturing towards Dean's knee. Dean's reflexive reply is to say it's not bad at all, but the words die on his tongue. No more lying.

'It's pretty bad,' he says, then, hunching in on himself. He can't stop himself from wanting to smooth it over. 'But, uh. When it - first happened, uh. That was way worse.'

'I see,' alpha replies, and goes back to staring at the trees and the rain. At least here, in this nook, they're starting to get dry. Even if the ground is damp and the air is so heavy and moist. Dean looks out of their little hiding spot. The sky is almost black, that's how dark it is.

'They never, uh, said anything about a storm, today,' he tries, lamely, because he can't stand the strange tense silence coming from Cas. But it doesn't help, cause alpha just doesn't answer. Fuck. This is hell. Dean doesn't know why it hurts so much, being ignored. It's just, Cas has  _ never  _ ignored him before. But now, he's just brooding, and he's so mad, Dean can't even predict when he'll snap.

They sit in silence for a moment more. Dean fidgets on Cas's backpack, the contents digging into his ass. How long can this storm last? At least it's not that late yet. Less of a chance of them having to spend the night.

'And,' Dean attempts, again, after a while. Cas doesn't even turn to face him. 'Um, we can go see the Norris Geyser soon as I'm better, cause I really wanted to see it, you know, and - haven't you said it's pretty active?'

'The  _ most  _ active,' Cas growls. 'And you're not going to be watching any geysers in the near future.'

'Oh,' Dean swallows, leaning back and fighting a stupid urge to cry. 'Right.'

He shrinks against the rock wall, pulling the raincoat tighter around himself. If  _ he's  _ cold, he wonders how Cas must be feeling.

'Whatever happened to your knee,' alpha continues after a moment. 'Will probably require surgery, and if not, then some long-term rest. Please tell me you are aware of that, at least.'

Dean didn't want to think about it at all. But he knows Cas won't- he knows Cas is not like Alastair. He doesn't think Cas would ever even consider having his leg amputated instead of paying for his surgery. He really doesn't, not even the carefully hidden part of him that's always shaking in fear, always waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under his feet.

But that part is still  _ terrified  _ of going to the doctor.

'Maybe,' he chances, risking a glance at Cas. 'It - it can get better on its own.' He knows it's bullshit, even as he says it. 'Like, we don't have to go to the doctor. Maybe some cream will-'

'Your knee looks like an over-ripe fig that's ready to burst,' alpha interrupts him. The way he states it, there's not gonna be any room for bargaining. 'You're going to the hospital as soon as we're out of here.'

Yeah, Dean didn't expect anything else. But he's just so scared.

'I don't even know, where, uh, the nearest omega center is,' he adds, voice weak and tiny to his own ears.

'I'll take care of it,' alpha tells him.

'But-'

'End of discussion.'

Dean feels like someone slapped him. Cheeks pink with anger and embarrassment, he turns a little so that he doesn't have to face alpha. And alpha isn't looking at him, anyway. He's staring at the sky, at the trees. Thunder rolls, the lightning strikes, Dean feels like he's in a Garth Brooks song.

It's the most tense hour they have spent together, Dean thinks. It's even worse than in the beginning; worse than when he thought Cas didn't want him home and might hurt him, worse than when he broke the rules over and over and waited for punishment, worse than having to tell Cas that he was gonna get fired cause of Dean...

Because sitting here, in this small space, suffocating in their conflicting scents of anger and fear... Dean knows Cas already, and knows how much trust his alpha has put in him. Knows that Cas cares about him cause he loves him, not cause he wants him to be an obedient little bitch. Knows that Cas would rather never see Yellowstone than have the price be Dean's health. And Dean expected himself to act better, too. Nowadays, he  _ is  _ assertive. Some days, sometimes. But this - this old injury just brought him back to one of the worst times in his life. And he couldn't help but want to stay quiet. Be unassuming, unobstructive,  _ fine _ .

'Are you sure you're up for this much hiking?' Cas had asked, over and over again, and Dean swallowed the pills in the bathroom, face screwed up in pain, and then lied, easily like it was something he's been doing for ages. But it wasn't, not with Cas.

He wanted to pretend. Just a little longer.

But now, his leg keeps getting worse. He tries to focus on something else, but Cas doesn't wanna talk, no, he just wants to stare at the sky and probably pray for the storm to be over soon and simmer in his anger. But Dean's fear slowly gives way to pain, more and more of it, until all he can feel is his burning leg, and he worries he's even got a fever. It instantly reminds him of that time when he threw up on Cas's carpet and stared at it, terrified, thinking Cas was gonna send him to a punishment center. And he called him at work, hands shaking, and Cas sounded  _ so  _ mad.

But then, he wasn't. Then, he was nice to Dean and let him stay in bed and cuddled him.

He wishes they were home.

Someone's holding his hand. He blinks down at it, blearily.

'I can smell you're in so much pain,' Cas says, voice weak and sad and trembling. 'We'll get out of here. I  _ promise _ . Not much longer, now.'

Dean loves him for breaking the silence, and for giving him comfort.

'Hurts real bad,' he admits. It feels good to admit it. He leans closer and burrows his head into Castiel's chest.

'You're such an idiot,' Cas tells him, all choked up. 'Did you really think I'd-'

He stops himself. What, amputate Dean's leg? No. But Dean doesn't want to elaborate. So he just says:

'No.'

'Then why?' alpha asks, but Dean just shakes his head. 'When I caught a cold before our trip to the car museum, you only seemed to care about me. Do you still think I would treat you any differently?'

'It's not about that,' Dean mumbles. 'Not about you at all.'

He only realizes it's true when he says it. It's about him, and Alastair. But really, mostly about him.

Cas sighs. There's a hand in Dean's hair, combing through it, soothing, but his leg still hurts too damn much. He doesn't think he'll be able to walk the rest of the way, even propped up on alpha.

'The sky has cleared a little,' Cas announces pensively. 'And it's been more than twenty minutes since the last thunder we've heard. I think it's safe to move.'

'Can you carry me?' Dean asks. It takes so much effort to ask for it, but Dean thinks that maybe, it'll make alpha happy. Putting trust in him, asking for things. And it seems to, because he offers a small smile. The first since everything went to hell.

'Of course I'll carry you,' he replies. 'Come on.'


	2. Chapter 2

The road back to the visitor center takes them almost two hours. Cas has to take breaks, though he doesn't want to; Dean urges him to stop when his arms shake from the strain. He keeps hoping they'll meet someone along the way, or get a phone signal, but with every passing minute, that hope fades away. Worse than that, Dean has way too much time to think, just being carried, staring at the trail behind Cas's back. When the pain in his knee lets up a little, and it does, from time to time - he worries about bears. The guide at the entrance  _ definitely  _ said something about bears. And wolves, maybe. What else could be there? What would they do if a bear attacked them? He knows Cas packed some bear repellant, but before they'd get it, the bear could rip them to shreds. Dean thinks he shouldn't climb trees or run - not that he could anyway, with his busted leg. He thinks he heard people say you should just stand still and not move. But he's not sure.

Fuck, he hates nature sometimes. It was cool at the very beginning, the open space, the green of the trees, the sun streaming in golden rays. Dean loves the sun. He loves seeing new places, and he loves the content quiet of a forest, but most of all, he loves that in that forest, Cas is always by his side.

He wonders if tripping down those rocks changed anything. Maybe his knee would've swollen so bad that he'd have had to tell Cas, accident or not. Nothing would've changed, he decides. At least he doesn't have to beat himself up about being clumsy.

'I see it!' Cas calls out, or wheezes, more like. 'We're here. Help!'

There's people in front of the visitor center, most still wearing raincoats and jackets. There's a car or two, too. When they see alpha carrying Dean, they rush to help, not knowing the situation just yet.

'My omega is injured,' Cas tries to explain, words hitching. He's so tired, Dean's surprised he's still able to talk. He presses a quick kiss to the side of Cas's neck. Thanks for being the best.

He thinks if this happened with Alastair, he could've died for real. Unless someone stumbled upon him on the trail, Alastair would've left him to crawl back, and continued on his own. Dean knows it. Maybe bears would've found him before other tourists. Dean shudders, thinking of bear claws and teeth, and it's only then that he realizes he's inside.

'Sir, you're dehydrated,' someone says. Dean thinks he blacked out for a moment, maybe. Cas is sat on a cot in the infirmary of the visitor center. Dean is... on the floor. He doesn't remember sitting down.

'My omega,' Cas tries to say, even though someone sticks a needle in his arm. A guy in a white T-shirt in combat boots. The boots remind Dean of dad. He hopes he won't have to visit him as an amputee, or in a wheelchair. That'd be humiliating.

'Sir, I need you to stay calm. What is your name?'

'Novak,' Cas replies. 'You don't understand. I - I - need you to call the ambulance.'

'I hope there won't be any need for that,' the doctor - cause that's who he's gotta be - says. Dean feels something drop onto his shoulders and he flinches, and jostles his leg. There's a girl younger than both of them, in another white T-shirt, and she's wrapping him in a blanket. She seems more empathetic than the doctor, cause she notices him, at least.

'I'm going to give you some glucose, and you'll need some rest, but other than that,' the doc states, shining a light in alpha's eyes, who jerks away and blinks furiously. His chest is still working, rising and falling quickly, and Dean thinks alpha's really so exhausted, he can't get a word in. 'I think you should be fine. What happened?'

'My  _ omega _ ,' alpha growls, though it's by far the most pitiful growl Dean's experienced from him. 'Is hurt. I need the ambulance for him. He fell and his knee, I think it's broken.'

'He fell and you carried him all those miles back?' the doctor asks, frowning. He's still not looking at Dean. 'Should've left him there and gone back on your own. One of our guys could've picked him up in a truck.'

'There are bears there,' Cas says, disturbed. 'It's - it's dangerous.'

'He's an omega,' the doctor replies, like he's talking to an idiot. 'They're good at hiding, resilient. They have to be. I'm sure he would've survived.'

Something flashes in alpha's eyes.

'I want an ambulance for him. Now.'

'Cas,' Dean speaks, a little uncertainly, glancing at the doctor. 'An ambulance won't come for me.'

'What you need is an OCenter,' the doctor confirms, taking off the surgical gloves. Dean didn't notice them and now their snap makes him flinch again. 'There's one thirty minutes away, you'll have to make the drive. They don't do ambulances or house visits.'

'Can you at least assess his injury?' Cas snaps. 'You're a doctor.'

'We don't treat omegas here,' the doctor replies. 'It's the rules. Frankly, you're one of the few people who’s ever asked.'

Cas doesn't reply. Dean knows what he's thinking. Even after all those months, it still jars alpha whenever people don't treat omegas like they matter. Dean's been trying to explain it to him for ages. At the same time, he's secretly happy that Cas never stops being shocked. It makes Dean feel... valued.

Makes him feel like a person. This strange, absurd anger on his behalf.

'Wait until the bag is empty,' the doc orders, and leaves the room. The nice nurse, though, doesn't. She opens a drawer and takes out a packet of something, and fills a glass with water. To Dean's surprise, it's he who's handed the items.

'They're painkillers,' she says, her eyes locked on Dean's knee, ugly and purple, and the bandage underneath it, and the old scars wrapped around his bare calf. 'Take two. They should help.'

'Thank you,' Dean replies, ducking his head. Castiel echoes it with gratitude and relief. Then, she leaves as well.

'I think we should go,' alpha announces, glaring at the needle in his arm. 'I feel glucosed enough.'

'No,' Dean protests anxiously, almost choking on his pills. 'It won't hurt for a while. You need your strength, alpha. You need to drive us there.'

Cas sighs. Dean thinks he knows it's true, otherwise they'd be on the road already.

'Tell me,' he pleads, rubbing his forehead. His clothes are soaked with sweat and rain. He smells like sadness and weariness.

Dean lets his head fall back, rest on the wall with a thump. The linoleum he's sitting on is clean and dry, at least.

'I really did wanna see those geysers,' he says. 'I'd like to come back. When I'm - maybe when I'm - in - in the wheelchair.'

He shuts his eyes briefly, because he  _ hates  _ thinking about that time. Filled with pain and fear and uncertainty, even more so than usual.

'In the what?' Cas asks, concerned. 'Why do you think you'll end up in a wheelchair?'

'Cause that's what happened the last time. The first time.'

He sees Cas consider his words. He sees all the questions that race through his mind, and he sees how he dismisses them. Too triggering? Too rude? God forbid poor fragile Dean starts crying in the Yellowstone doctor’s office. Dean's knee is a mess and his brain is a mess, he's a mess that Cas keeps cleaning up only to end up with the same thing as before. Cas is the hero taking on the Augean Stables. The perpetual repair of Dean Winchester.

Novak. Dean Novak.

'I had no idea you were ever in a wheelchair,' Cas says, dazed. And then, carefully, he picks a question from his quickly-assembled "Sensitive Questions" collection. 'Was it Alastair's fault?'

Dean hums, thinking about it.

'It was my fault,' he says, eventually, and means it. 'I got in the way.'

Alpha purses his lips, his eyes looking over Dean searchingly. It seems that he wants to ask more. Dean wants to put on the raincoat's hood, and then pull at the strings, so that it tightens and hides his face inside the fabric. The idea is so fucking stupid, he'd look like a dumbass, but his hands twitch all the same.

'I can  _ still  _ smell your pain,' Cas says, instead of asking. And then he adds, kind of desperately: 'I am  _ so  _ furious with you.'

'I know,' Dean says, voice hitching. He wants to cry. 'I'm really sorry. I fucked everything up, and I lied to you.'

'I  _ asked you _ ,' Cas insists, sounding raw. 'I asked you, not once, but many times, if you were feeling alright. I told you how important it was that we were ready for this trip.'

'Yeah,' Dean agrees, ashamed. He takes a deep breath. It looks like they're stuck here, anyway. Might as well get over with the sharing and caring.

'Don't even remember what year it was,' he reveals, knowing that Cas is listening intently, even if he isn’t looking at him. He fixes his eyes on a bear poster above the med cabinet. Ironic. 'But, uh. He came - Alastair, he came home really pissed, and, uh, he took it out on me. He was drunk and I think - I think he didn't - he couldn't stop. You know he often beat me, and he did, but, uh, not like this.'

Cas's grip on the cot gets tighter. Dean hears the squeak of the leather.

'Anyway, I don't think he actually meant to break my knee. I don't think he meant to do anything. It just happened. I don't remember all of what happened later,' Dean swallows. 'Uh, the hospital. The doc said my knee was shattered, and that he'd have to. You know.'

'What? Operate?' alpha frowns, pulling back to look at Dean.

'No,' Dean laughs tensely. 'I mean, yeah, but that costs money. He was gonna cut it off, uh, otherwise.'

Cas flinches.

'Oh,' he says. His scent darkens, turns to something ugly.

'But that's not what I was worried about now,' Dean rushes to tell him. 'I know it won't happen. It's just - it's - I was really scared when it happened for the first time. And I had the surgery, fuck knows why Alastair even paid for it.'

'Maybe in his own twisted way, he cared about you.'

Dean's surprised to hear it. Because alpha never says anything even remotely redeeming about Alastair.

'You think he -' he hesitates. 'You think he loved me?'

Castiel snorts, and it's a weird sound. So bitter.

'No, Dean,' he replies. 'I think he liked flaunting his power over you. I think he liked you dependent and he enjoyed knowing he could do anything to you.' The words sting. 'I think he got used to your company, though, and I think that like most alphas, he did care for you, in a way. In a disgusting, ugly way.'

'Hmm,' Dean replies, noncommittally. 'Maybe he just didn't wanna lose his investment. He spent a lot of time training me. He was proud of it.'

'I'm proud of you untraining yourself,' Cas says, seriously. 'Whatever his feelings were, I don't believe he was capable of doing good. But I'm glad he spared your leg, whatever the reason. I can't even imagine-'

He trails off, staring at his legs, dangling from the cot. He doesn't need to finish.

'I was just really scared,' Dean sighs, running a hand down his face. 'I  _ am  _ scared, alpha. That's why I didn't tell you. I don't even know what set it off. I just woke up one day and it hurt, less than before but in the same way, and I - I lost it. I hoped that if I kept pretending everything was fine, hell. Everything would be,' he chuckles sadly. 'I'm so stupid.'

Cas makes a sad sound. Dean knows it. It means,  _ stop. I love you _ .

He looks so beaten down, in his dirty clothes and with his pale face and the IV hooked up to his arm, Dean just wants to hug him.

'Hey, Cas,' he says. He feels a tiny bit more like himself. 'You hold a power over me, too, you know.'

Cas frowns and looks upset.

'I don't intend to-' he starts, and Dean rolls his eyes.

'No, man, come on. Ask me what kinda power.'

Cas schools his face into something resembling a bitch face, though he has nothing on Sam. Here he is, trying to be deep and respectful, and Dean's only able to make it into a joke.

'What kind of power,' he says in a dead voice that only makes Dean snicker.

'The power of love,' he quips, and winks at alpha. It never fails to make alpha crack up, and he does now, laughing quietly. Dean smiles, satisfied. Those pain pills hit harder than a mac truck.

Twenty minutes later, they're already in the Toyota, speeding down the highway. Cas made Dean sit in the backseat, with his leg outstretched. He looks better, too, and Dean likes to think that it wasn't only the glucose working miracles, but also... just Dean. Trying his hardest to lift the mood and make Cas forgive him. The pain meds still work, they work  _ really well _ , but slowly, there's a knot forming in Dean's stomach, the closer they get to the center. It's getting late, the sun setting. He hates being at the hospital, but he hates it even more when it's dark. Cas will probably leave him in the waiting room; they might wait ages - and go sleep at the motel. Dean doesn't wanna be left alone.

It takes him another ten minutes to work up the courage to ask Cas to stay, but then, they're already pulling up to the center. It's big and busy, and Dean forces himself to breathe.

Cas seems a little unsure, but he pays at the toll booth - dismayed - and stops the car near the entrance.

'Paying for parking at a hospital,' he shakes his head in disgust. 'I don't suppose they have nurses that could come up here with a wheelchair?'

Dean snorts, though it does nothing to ease the fear.

'I don't think, you're, uh, prepared for what's inside, alpha,' he chances, leaning forward to grab Cas's sleeve. 'But. I've been thinking.'

'You're going to the hospital, Dean,' Castiel replies instantly, chastising.

'Yeah, I know,' Dean agrees, his mouth dry. 'It's just. Are you gonna, you know. Uh.'

'What is it?'

Cas must sense that something's up, because he leans closer as well, so close that there's barely any space between their faces. Dean looks down. He's so scared, and he hates to ask Cas for more, when he's already giving him so much. He remembers Alastair kicking him out by the entrance and driving away. Remembers watching the tail lights of his car blink and disappear in the distance. Remembers feeling  _ so  _ alone.

But Cas is here, and he's listening, watching Dean with his kind blue eyes. Waiting.

'Can you stay?' Dean whispers.

Cas smiles.

'Of course I'm staying,' he kisses Dean's forehead. 'I have to make sure my husband gets the best care. And doesn't lie or run away or whatever it is you're thinking of doing.'

Dean rolls his eyes, but it comes out unconvincingly, because he's tearing up a little. Just a tiny bit, though. No big deal.

In the end, alpha carries him to the ER. Dean begs to be let down as they enter the waiting area, but to no avail. Cas doesn't stop until he deposits him on one of the plastic chairs Dean's come to despise.

Dean focuses on keeping his leg straight and only then looks around. There are tons of omegas, as always, but not as many as in some other centers he's been to. There's still some empty seats, for one. He's spent many nights on the floor, waiting for his turn.

There are no other alphas, here. That's normal. Dean's seen very few alphas accompany their omegas to the hospital. He thinks he can spot a beta or two, though. One of them is holding their omega's hand - a young girl with what looks like a broken arm. The beta is a guy, and he looks at her - he looks at her the way Cas looks at him.

Dean feels like he's intruding, gaping at them cuddled together, the guy rubbing the girl's back soothingly. If only he - if only he’d met Cas at that age. He imagines being twenty something, he imagines alpha being twenty something, leaner and maybe a bit wimpier without all that hard-earned muscle. Maybe more brooding given he'd have been mostly fresh out of the Shurleys' shadow. Just starting his computer job after that time he spent with that beta woman and her toddler.

'Dean,' alpha says, coming back to him. He must've found the reception desk. Dean can't see it from here, just a long, long white corridor with the paint coming off the walls and dark smudges where people rested their backs. The cracked tiles on the floor. Some omegas sniffling and crying, curled up on the chairs. An older omega guy, old enough to be in the old folks home, silent and staring ahead, hands shaking on his cane.

'I don't like it here,' Dean says, half-consciously. All those months with Cas, he almost forgot that this is something he'll have to go through again. That this is how the world still works, behind the safe walls of Cas's house and safe doors of his Toyota and his safe arms. And it won't change. Now, after his time away, the suffering and pain clear in the air are... overwhelming.

'This place is horrid,' Cas agrees, and when Dean looks up at him, his face is dark and... heartbroken. 'I've filled out your admission papers. The nurse was rude. I told her it's an emergency, but she said since you're not dying, we have to wait for an indeterminate amount of time.'

'Yeah,' Dean sighs. 'S'how it works.'

He leans back against the wall and when alpha joins him, he lets himself be pulled into an embrace. Dean's not kidding himself thinking Cas has forgotten all about his anger from before. But it's put away for now. And even if there's gonna be so -  _ so  _ \- many conversations later on, he's so glad that alpha is able to put his fury on hold for him, to be here with him.

It takes hours. After some time, the drugs wear off and the dull pain transforms into a stabbing pain. Cas disappears again to come back with everything the vending machine had to offer. Dean always found it funny that they bother setting them up. Upstairs, there's the punishment center; down here, a hallway full of sick and hurt omegas with no cash in their pockets.

'I feel like I should offer something to the others,' Cas tells Dean, lowly, looking over at the miserable crowd. 'But I don't even know where to start.'

Dean glances at the tall guy sitting next to him. He seems out of it, clutching his stomach with a faraway look in his eyes.

'Dunno if it wouldn't make some of'em feel worse, actually,' he replies. 'Plus, they wouldn't take anything from you. You're scaring them already.'

Cas frowns, as if he didn't notice the way the omegas who arrived later never took the empty seats next to them, choosing to stay near the door instead. Stealing furtive, nervous glances at the alpha.

'I never meant to make anyone anxious,' Cas breathes, and Dean can tell how tightly wound he is. His hands tighten on his thighs, and he exhales slowly. Dean realizes he's been fighting to keep his scent mostly neutral for a while.

'It's just how it is,' Dean shrugs, opening a tiny bag of BBQ chips. 'Fuck, how much did this cost? There's like five chips in here.'

'And the machine ate my change at first,' Cas adds sullenly. 'How are you holding up?'

'Not great,' Dean smiles bitterly. 'But this will help for sure. And that candy.'

They share the bag of caramel sweets, and then Cas starts dozing off. From time to time, the omegas are called into the office, and Dean fixes his eyes on the white door, heart in his throat whenever it opens. It could be his turn anytime. The hours passing by help to quiet down his fears, but his leg hurts so bad. At one point he catches himself  _ hoping  _ it'll be his turn.

Cas falls asleep and then wakes, over and over. Five hours into the wait, he storms back to the reception desk, demanding they be admitted as soon as possible, but the relentless beta... doesn't relent. Besides, Dean can tell Cas feels a bit bad about that, cause there are so many omegas here, all suffering.

Their turn finally comes after seven hours. Dean's body is stiff. He tries not to think that he'll spend god knows how long in this hospital. First, the surgery, then the rest in the hard hospital bed. Then - the - the wheelchair. Or maybe a cane will be enough. He hopes. But really, he wants to go back to their motel room so bad it makes him want to cry. He left a piece of pizza for himself in the fridge, and he was gonna watch another boxing match tonight, with Cas. The Screwdriver was supposed to fight Six-Eyed Jack, and he was  _ really  _ looking forward to that.

'Novak, Dean?' someone calls out and Dean's jerked out of his thoughts. Cas startles next to him, jarred from sleep, and he immediately springs into action.

'That's us!' he says, both to the doctor and to Dean. He helps Dean up, and they hobble to the office.

The doctor is younger than them, but not by much. He looks intimidating, preppy and academic, and he wears glasses that remind Dean of all the soulless villains in the movies - the scientist types.

'Undress,' the doctor says, not sparing Dean a glance, clicking away on his computer. Dean has already tugged the shirt over his head and is wondering how to do his torn pants, when alpha interrupts, baffled.

'Excuse me? It's his knee that's the problem.'

The doc looks up then, brow furrowed. He takes off his glasses. Dean likes him more this way, less threatening.

'You're his alpha?'

'Yes. And I don't think there's any need for him to undress.'

'Well, I do,' the doc's voice is stern. 'This is hospital policy. I need to see his entire body. Omegas don't always tell you all the things that are wrong with them, and it's my job to find them.'

At first, Dean thinks the doctor's just another asshole. But before Cas can keep arguing, he's taken off his clothes, even if he had to sit on the chair, unprompted, to wrestle his busted leg out of the jeans. It hurt so much, he doesn't even care that he's naked, for once.

The doctor frowns and puts his hand on Dean's chest, on one of the worse scars. He smells of antiseptic, and his scent is dull, but he doesn't seem so evil anymore.

'Do you get disciplined a lot?' he asks Dean. His voice is still pretty passive, authoritative. Dean's not fooling himself, he doesn't think the guy's gonna treat him like they're equals. He knows he's an alpha. But he asked, and he didn't have to. This has nothing to do with his job.

'No, sir,' Dean replies. 'I was disciplined a lot, by my previous alpha. But I haven't been physically corrected since he died.'

In a way, it's easier to talk like this. Because Dean feels so much respect and fear for alphas with such professions - doctors, lawyers, CEOs, professors, anyone  _ smart _ . When he's asked a question, he knows he has to reply, and the words just come - old and natural, rehearsed a million times. Polite, with as much information in them as he's able to share without sounding like he's complaining.

'I never hurt Dean,' alpha says, his voice brimming with anger. Dean flicks his eyes at Cas, begging him not to say more. It might not be best if he flaunts the fact that he's the most lenient alpha ever.

Except alphas can do what they want, Dean reminds himself. If Cas doesn't want to beat you, it's his goddamn right. Owning someone doesn't always have to be bad.

The doctor nods. Dean can't tell if he believes Castiel, but he doesn't ask any more questions. Ignoring Dean's knee, first he examines his body with gloved hands, and Dean tries really hard not to keep flinching. Cas seems to accept it, too. Maybe he likes that the doc's so thorough. He just stands in the corner of the room, arms crossed, lips pursed, and watches.

It really helps Dean feel safe.

Dean's forced to breathe slowly and exhale loudly while the doctor puts a stethoscope to his chest. He remembers the times when it was hard to breathe, his ribs broken, or impossible to stop coughing. But this time, it's strikingly simple.

Then, he gets weighed and measured. Cas helps him stand and asks why they can't do that after his knee is taken care of.

'I need to know how much he weighs, to know the amount of medicine I must administer,' the doctor replies, clearly annoyed. 'Here. Why don't you write down all the pills he's ever taken while staying with you.'

Cas takes the clipboard, begrudgingly.

'We've only been together for a few months,' he tells the doctor, but jots down the drug names. Dean's surprised he remembers them.

'He's still underweight,' the doctor says. No way. Dean feels so  _ fat  _ all the time. No bones protrude, at all, and when Cas buys him some sweets or pie, or when they go out for ice cream, in the evening his stomach is round and he can put a hand on it. It used to make him self-conscious. He told Cas, who very seriously informed him that he loves his soft belly, and kissed his stomach until Dean pushed him off, laughing and telling him he was gross.

But come to think of it, none of Dean's clothes are too tight just yet. So maybe he's really not gaining too much.

'Dean eats a lot,' Cas replies. 'I make sure that his diet is balanced, though he is more inclined to eating carbs and sweet things, and I don't intend to limit him.'

The doctor glances at Cas like he said something stupid. Dean thinks he just can't believe that Dean's alpha is so good and thoughtful.

'You probably shouldn't. At his last check up in February, he was severely underweight and malnourished. The blood test pointed to the lack of - well, everything, in his diet. Some carbs won't hurt.'

'Why wasn't I notified of that?' Cas snaps, throwing the clipboard on the desk. 'Those things weren't in Dean's file.'

The doctor sits Dean back down on the chair and finally bends down to stare at his purple swollen knee.

'You want the truth?' he looks up at Cas. Alpha nods, but he looks surly. 'Because no one cares. And then, we have to deal with this mess. You people think you can do anything. Omegas are your own private punching bags. And then it's me who has to fix them, and listen to you whine about the prices and the inconvenience.'

Dean still can't tell if he's actually sorry for the omegas, or just for himself.

Cas doesn't even reply. Dean sort of expected him to defend himself, but he doesn't. The doctor brushes his knee with the tips of his fingers, and Dean  _ yells _ .

'Sorry,' he breathes, bending so hard that he touches his forehead to his thighs. Covering the stomach and the crotch, but leaving his head uncovered. Still, he doesn't think the doctor will hit him. They rarely did.

'I'm gonna need to X-ray that,' the doctor announces. 'How did it happen?'

Dean bites his lip and does his best to straighten his back.

'His last alpha broke it,' Castiel says instead of him, and Dean's so grateful. 'It required surgery, that last time, and then learning how to walk again. But it was fine when I met Dean. It only started hurting him a couple of days ago, for no apparent reason.'

'Why didn't you come then? And what about the cut?'

The doctor peels off the bandages, so carefully assembled by Cas. Dean holds back a hiss, but the gash doesn't look so bad. It didn't get infected.

'He acquired the cut in Yellowstone, where we're coming back from,' Cas explains. 'As for not coming earlier, I wasn't aware of the injury.'

The words cut deep, because Cas's voice is cold and accusing, and Dean curls in on himself.

When the doctor sets up the X-ray machine in the other room, he asks Dean a list of questions about the previous surgery. What kind was it, how long did it take to walk again, how long had he had to use the wheelchair. Dean didn't remember any specifics - didn't  _ know  _ any specifics, cause no one bothered to tell him - so the doctor had to go dig in his computer to find some files from around that time. Frankly, Dean's surprised that he has medical documentation of his own. But then again, they need that stuff in case they need to put it in his file. Not all of them, apparently. Only the worst of the worst.

The doctor leads Dean to the other room and Dean realizes Cas will have to stay outside. There's a jolt of panic, but he waits for it to pass. This has to be done, and the quicker it's done, the quicker they can move on to the surgery and then convalescence. Dean just really,  _ really  _ wants his knee not to hurt.

'Should I take off the collar?' he asks, hands already on the strip of soft leather around his neck. But the doctor shakes his head.

'It won't interfere,' he replies. The door shuts, separating them from Cas, and Dean tenses. Somehow he still expects the doctor to pounce, or start grabbing him, or whatever. He hates being naked. But the doc mostly ignores him, save for telling him to lie down on the cot, and placing something big and heavy on his lap. It covers his dick and stomach and Dean's so glad for that. He thinks it's lead.

The scan doesn't hurt. Dean stares up at the dark ceiling in the dark room, and worries about what's next. Maybe his knee will be fucked beyond repair. Maybe he won't ever be able to walk on it again. Maybe he'll need years of PT, and Cas will have to pay for it all. And will the surgery hurt? Will he get some anesthesia? Will Cas be there when he wakes up?

He's so scared. And the silence from the doc, the way his face betrays nothing as he turns off the machine and turns on the lights, and examines the scans... it doesn't seem like things are looking good. Dean wants to ask, he wants to know, but the words get stuck in his throat.

They leave the room and alpha hovers instantly.

'And?' he asks impatiently, grabbing Dean by the arm and holding him close.

'Well, looks like you're lucky,' the doctor says, on his way to the desk.

_ what _ ?

'It's a small patellar fracture, and a clean one at that.'

'Patellar?' alpha asks, brow furrowed.

'His kneecap broke,' the doctor clarifies, a little snottily, in Dean's opinion. 'No need for surgery. Just a splint, some ointment for the swelling, and you can be on your way.'

'No - no surgery?' Dean makes sure, voice shaky. He can't believe it, and the relief floods him. He sags in Cas's arms.

'No,' the doctor confirms, typing at his computer. The printer turns on with a whirring sound, making Dean jump. God, he wishes he weren't so skittish. _ No surgery _ . He must've jumped like a thousand times today.  _ No surgery. _ Maybe he won't have to come back here for a while, to the hospital. Maybe not until his next checkup.  _ No surgery no surgery no surgery- _

'Well, that's great news,' Castiel says. He must smell how panicked, frantic, relieved and disbelieving Dean is, a cocktail of emotions that would have anyone sane wrinkling their nose and turning away. 'How long does he need to rest?'

'About six to eight weeks,' the doctor says, handing him the printed prescription. 'Get him a cane for small distances, or a wheelchair if you need to send him on errands. No pressure on this leg. While having intercourse, he needs to be lying down with his leg straight.'

At that, Dean thinks that Cas really blushes a little. He just clears his throat and nods. He smells... optimistic, when Dean can focus on his scent instead of his own.

It takes only a moment to fit the brace. Dean expected it to last longer, and judging by how many questions Cas is asking, he did too. But it fits well and it holds his leg stiffly in place. It's a relief, even if it hurts. Dean feels... secured. Like he's no longer worried that his leg will just rot and eventually need to be chopped away.

He sits on the bed, feeling hazy and buzzing with adrenaline. He doesn't listen to Cas or the doctor, and he's still not quite present when Cas leads him outside the office, into the corridor. Some of the omegas look up at them. The doctor calls out another name, and a middle-aged omega woman walks towards the office, and then, suddenly, falls down, as if fainting. But she stays conscious, Dean can see, as he stands in his place dumbly, and Cas runs up to her to help.

'Are you alright?' he asks, and grabs her arm, trying to pick her up. That sobers her up; she yells, wrestles her arm out of Castiel's grip and covers her head.

'No!' she screams. The older omega who's been sitting with them for all those hours gets up, and orders:

'Don't you dare touch her!'

Despite his old, shaking body and the cane clutched tightly in his hand, the order is clear and ferocious. His eyes light up, and there's fight in them. Dean thinks, fleetingly and with a pang of regret, that he'd like to have that much spirit by the time he gets to eighty, but his was already gone when he was twenty-two.

Cas steps away from the woman, hands raised in front of him; the universal _ i mean no harm  _ stance.

'Are you alright?' he repeats, softly. 'I wasn't going to-'

The beta guy that Dean saw before, cuddling his omega girlfriend, gets up and joins them, helping the woman up.

'Stay away from her, knothead,' he spits out the words with such disgust, Cas takes another step back, his face white.

'Hey,' Dean protests, but his voice is weak. He still can't move. 'Hey, he ain't a knothead.'

There's an awkward bit of silence, alpha standing by the wall and watching the omega be led into the office by the beta. The older man sags back down on the chair, but he's still glaring. Cas holds out a hand for Dean to grab.

'Let's go,' he says. Dean can't do much else but follow; remove himself from the situation. He thinks he should've protested louder, defended Cas; knows that this must've hurt Cas badly, the way his scent is carefully neutral again.

They leave the hospital. Dean's surprised to see the sun is already rising. Cas stops for a moment, under the hospital's canopy, out of sight of people in the ER.

'They just don't know you,' Dean breaks the silence, leaning against the white outer wall. He watches the cars in the parking lot, and the omegas coming and going, some with their alphas or betas, some alone. He can see alpha's blank face, and the way he swallows, like he wants to say  _ so much _ , but knows it won't change anything. And Dean knows it won't, too, but he can't help but add: 'You're not a knothead, Cas.'

And then, he starts crying. Full-on breaks down, hiding his face in his hands, sobbing loudly. He hates it and he can't stop it at the same time, shame mixing with exhaustion mixing with relief. He feels heavy and flammable. Like anything that Cas says next will set him on fire.

But Cas doesn't say a thing. After a few seconds, Dean feels Cas's arms wrap around him. Sometimes, Dean thinks he should be tired of this. How many times can Cas's embrace bring the same warmth and safety? But it does, the effect never wears off. And this time, it feels like Dean's... Dean's the lightning, and Cas is the lightning rod. Catching all of Dean's accumulated, haywire emotions, and gently guiding them to the ground. Taking away all of Dean's tension and fear and guilt.

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my knee,' Dean says, eventually, brokenly. 'I was just so scared. I won't lie to you again, I promise.'

'Don't make promises you can't keep,' Cas replies, but when Dean lifts his head and looks at him, Cas is smiling. Even though it's not exactly... happy, it  _ is  _ accepting. He kisses Dean's mouth, but their lips are closed, so it barely counts as a kiss.

So Dean dives in for  _ actual  _ kisses.

'They were wrong to treat you like that,' Dean tells him, when he pulls back to breathe. 'I wanted to tell them, I wanted to be louder. But I - I couldn't, for some reason, I just...'

He drops his eyes, embarrassed. He doesn't know why he didn't step in to protect Cas.

'That's okay,' alpha replies, eyes serious. 'Dean. It really is. It's not your job to protect me.'

'But it is,' Dean chuckles a little. 'I'm being pretty shit at it so far, though.'

'At protecting my body, perhaps,' alpha cocks his head, and his voice turns teasing. 'And my mind, maybe.'

'Shut up,' Dean punches him in the arm, lightly, and almost loses his balance. 'You always say I'm the best husband ever.'

'On occasion,' Cas nods pensively, and Dean laughs, and kisses him. 'You do protect me, Dean. Whenever I encounter the cruelty and unfairness of this world... I think back to you, and all the faith and support I receive from you. I think of your face when you accept me, over and over again. And it's like I can breathe again.'

Dean swallows, unable to look away from Cas's eyes. They seem so dark, so blue, like an upcoming storm, equally electric. He could return the sentiment. He wishes it could be done without speaking.

'Sometimes I'm just so tired of this world,' he whispers, thinking of his knee. Of the doctor. Of Alastair and of the omega and beta in the ER, and of the quiet, worn out bravery in the old man's eyes. 'Sometimes I feel like it's gonna...'

'Swallow you whole?' Cas suggests, a light smile on his lips. 'That is how I feel.'

Dean sighs.

'Yeah,' he confirms.

Cas hums. Dean doesn't like the sudden melancholy in his scent.

'But it's easier with you,' he adds. 'It's  _ good  _ with you. And you're stuck with me, too, I ain't going nowhere.  _ That's  _ a goddamn promise, and one that I'm gonna keep, always.'

'I know,' Cas smiles wider, and tips his head to rest it on Dean's shoulder. 'Your leg wouldn't let you leave, anyway.'

'Yeah,' Dean pouts, staring at the brace. 'Do you think, uh. Do you think we have to. You know. Go back home?'

Cas watches him for a moment.

'We don't have to,' he says carefully. 'We can still visit a few places if I manage to rent a wheelchair.'

Dean cringes at the thought and Cas must notice. It's not that he has something against wheelchairs per se; it's kinda nice to be pushed around, he thinks, instead of hiking, for a change. He wouldn't have to strain his knee at all, and they'd still get to see something new. But... he can't help but remember how it used to be. The shards of porcelain under the wheels, crunching when Alastair wheeled him to bed after he lost it. The difficulty of navigating the corridors and rooms and the sudden panic, sometimes, when he realized he was alone and unable to walk. The way his body locked whenever he felt a threat coming and a need to hide but he felt paralyzed instead, the limited mobility only heightening his fear.

'We can make that decision later,' Cas says, either feeling or smelling that Dean's lost in some unhappy thoughts. 'Do you care to go for ice cream?'

'What, now?' Dean blinks. 'When will you sleep? You must be out of it.'

'We can eat on the way to the motel,' Cas muses. 'I think I need more glucose.'

'Oh, yeah?' Dean smirks. 'How about a dose of sweetness, coming right up?'

He leans close for another kiss. Cas turns away a second before their lips meet.

'No, I think ice cream will suffice,' he says playfully and Dean bursts out laughing, and then kisses him anyway.

Usually, when he left the hospital, he would be feeling woozy on drugs and scared and guilty. Alastair would be waiting in the car, honking or yelling for him to hurry up. There was no ice cream and no kisses in sight, only heavy silence and then, back to the old routine.

Dean feels like the luckiest guy ever, walking next to Cas to their trusty blue Toyota. Driving to the nearest ice cream place and getting five flavors because Cas tells him to go wild, and orders five of the same peanut butter scoops for himself.

'I'm treating myself,' he tells Dean, licking the spoon, while Dean follows the movement with greedy eyes. 'I feel like I deserve it.'

Dean thinks that maybe he deserves something too. To use a wheelchair like a normal person, and not be scared of it. To stay on this trip with Cas, cause he wants to, cause he never wants this trip to end. To let Cas transform yet another ugly thing into a better experience.

After all, they still have to see the most active geyser in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna wait longer bc i feel bad about not producing much content lately so i hoped this would tide you guys over until i did... something. but whatever. i just hope this block will pass soon bc i really wish i could start a new wip. i miss that. and obv i have many more ideas for dcwyb timestamps. i dont seem to have many problems writing those, just trying to be more versatile. u can catch me on thanks-tacos.tumblr.com if u wanna talk or demand another timestamp. im open for ideas, prompts, whatever, not just in the dcwyb verse. maybe it'll get me going.
> 
> and as jay z once said thank u thank u thank u youre far too kind


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